A rose or a rock?

I ask myself whether I want to be as open as a rose or to be hard and cold like a rock.

For an open rose is thrown into a weathering storm torn and shredded it shall be.

While a rock can be hit by lightning, rolled by thunder, blown by wind, and poured upon yet it dries and seems to be unharmed.

Its like being stuck in a crossroad. Not knowing which path you should take. Not knowing what you should do.

Not knowing what to say??

The path has been laid and all you have to do is choose.

But sometimes choosing is the hardest part...

Just me??

Do you ever stop and think how come you didnt notice something about a certain person??

a little moment just changes everything..

and that person seem to have a certain thing that even you cant explain what and it just makes you draw nearer and

makes you wonder?

I never knew how that felt but it can be said i do now and

im confused??

I figured the only way to get this out of me is to just hang out with that person a little more and see how things go with how i feel.

If i still continue to feel this way its clear that i must have fallen for him and i wont deny it

but if i feel numb then my head is probably messing with me.

I dont have a thing for him. That makes things a little weird..

The weird part was i couldnt stop thinking about him when i was with someone else. All i wished for that night when i had my eyes closed was to see him when i opened it.

Guess that explains alot...

Sometimes I wonder how I feel about you. Im scared of these feelings because it’s still new .I occasionally catch myself thinking of the best way to share hoping you’ll return my confession

And then I stop myself and bring my thoughts back to reality where Im back to square one, does this just happen to me?

Ive made up my mind to just let it be and take the conclusion that its my head messing wih me after all the stressful nights of studies.

Im not taking another risk..

Its my secret to keep...

Sometimes there are just some things that cant be said. No matter how much you want to tell that person but you know you just cant. Sometimes its just best its kept a secret. Just between you and yourself or its best if you talk to a complete stranger about it.

Many things are overcrowding my head lately. Little thoughts of him pops up every now and then which makes me smile to myself. The thing is i dont have a thing for him. I just tend to get a little nervous everytime im around him lately. I speak like normal, i tease him like how i tease others, i poke him like how i poke others but theres just a part of me that becomes all shy and my legs go wobbly..

i hope he didnt realised my hands was shaking so badly while holding his paper. I need to get rid of this thought of him because im overthinking about the awkwardness i feel after that night. Its just weird because he's the last guy i would ever think i'll ever have a confused feeling towards.

It feels like my day has been made everytime i hear him for some reason. I just tend to smile alot to myself lately and its freakishly scary..

I dont need something like this messing with my head at this point of time because im not ready for another stab right through my chest.

Im always stabbed hard everytime i let myself fall and no matter how hard you try you just cant seem to stop yourself from falling.

It happened a couple of times and i wont be suprised if it happens again.

Im ready for whatever pain that is coming my way...

guess im immuned to it and it feels numb after a while

i wonder..

Have you ever stop and wonder whether another shard of glass would fall from the sky and cut through your skin.

You feel the pain all over again and it'll just leave you broken on the floor as it always has before.

You will slowly drift away and it seems like no one cares.

Thats when it feels like you are ready to give it all up and you are just tired of fighting because it is breaking your heart.

But then again even if you're mind is made up somehow it is just stuck on that shard. No matter how much it hurts, you still want it there.

You never want that memory to fade.

You know it is wrong but somehow it feels right..

and you wonder how can something feels so good but hurt so bad??

i hate you

i hate the way you smile

i hate the way you laugh

i hate the way to talk

i especially hate the way you walk

i hate all the things you said to me

i dont even noe whether you fucking meant it or not

i hate the fact that you pretend its all cool

well you noe what you're fucking immature!

i hate the fact that you exist

i hate the fact that you walked into my life

i hate the fact that you have no fucking balls to talk to me

i hate the fact that people have to tell you to do so

i hate you for being who you are, a big flirt

what i hate most about you is that i dont hate you at all!

i feel stupid i feel like a fool

im so fucking embarrassed..

thank you so fucking much

i hope she made the right decision

i pity him.i blame you if anything happens

thanks to this im stereotyping people.

Thinking of You

I was thinking of you when i was with him. He held me close and it felt good because i have not felt that way for a very long time. He pulled me towards him and held me as if he wasnt going to let me go. He told me i made his night but deep in me i kept praying it was you who was holding me tight and never wanting to let me go

What are you thinking?

What am i suppose to do?

What am i suppose to think?

I cant just be this way and not know where is this heading.

Why are you giving me signs showing me how much you wanted me?

Why are you being so nice?

I wish i had a clue? A sign?

Or Are you just another swagger passing through? Another one which would just want me for a while and then leave?

Dont tell me..

Can we talk? I am so confused. It's like im lost.What went wrong?

Don't pretend you don't know. Was it a lie from the start? I was blind. I am such a fool .

Was it something that I said? was it something that I did?

I gotta know what made me unbeautiful.

Ive been told .Whats done is done .To let it go and carry on

Deep inside I know that's true

But im stuck in time

Wake up, because im only dreaming

Get out of my head now because we're much better alone.

Cant you accept that you are the wing man right now

Cant you move on?

Cant you be a little more honest and straight forward because I am sick and tired of playing the game you are playing.

Its exhausting if you realise. Maybe you are blinded by her to realise any fcking thing

Please just grow up and stop torturing youself!