Black Horse & A Cherry Tree

i cant take my eyes of you

2011-07-30T11:35:00.003+08:00

Its hard to let it go. It never was easy. She always had a soft spot for him. All these years he was her exception. She gave in when it came to him. But every single time she gave in, he broke her heart. She got hurt. Thrice by the same person. How could she let herself go through such pain. The scar will never fade nor she will forget. The memories they made with each other was too sweet to forget. Every touch every kiss seem surreal. She remembers how he will look into her eyes and kiss her gently. She remembers how tight he held her at night and not letting go. She had a big smile plastered on her face. She was so happy. It was unforgettable..

What did she do to deserve this? What did she do to be hurt again? Why is he behaving this way?

She doesnt know..

But one thing for a fact..he made her happy for that one day. That one day, I will remember it for the rest of my life..

Like he said...maybe in future who knows it maybe perfect...

Never say Never

2011-07-15T12:04:00.003+08:00

Never ever say " that wont happen to me" because life has a funny way of proving you wrong. I thought hey it was a mistake the first time but the second time it happened it was by choice. Again it felt so real so right but so wrong at the same time.

Feeling his fingers move across my tummy, holding me tighter every minute as we lay there watching a movie. In the midst of the stormy windy night we held each other. Memories came back and we followed our heart. We followed how we felt for each other and it was perfect.

Circumstances were as such that it was not the right time. We decided to keep this as a memory and return to our lives being friends. It hurts oh yea it sure does hurt alot. Maybe someday in future. We never know what the future will bring us. It didnt work out the first time and the second time. Who knows maybe it is preparing us for something else.

I miss him already. His warm kisses, his big strong arms, his big smile. I miss just laying there listening to his heartbeat. I felt happy and so complete..

I guess things happen for a reason and someday it will all make sense. One thing I know is that I will always have you in me and I will always be a little bit in love wit you..and thats okay..

I will always remember what happened and it is the best memory yet we ever created.

thousand miles

2011-04-10T17:01:00.002+08:00

Almost three months now since I've left home to pursue my degree. The loneliness I felt when I first walked into my new home is still lingering. I woke up this morning calling out for him but then I realised I was more than a thousand miles away. Every part of me misses him and being away has made me realise how much he means to me.

Sometimes I wonder how did I end up with such a great guy whom I feel I don't deserve after what I did. But people make mistakes, no one is perfect.

At times I wonder maybe its karma that has come to pay me a visit. I've learnt from the mistake and I would never want it to happen again.

I have something to look forward to. My handsome prince is coming over pretty soon. It feels like a dream everytime I think of it. The thought of it makes all the loneliness fade away. 9 more days. I just have to be patient.

I cant wait to hug him to kiss him to hold him to tell him I love him so much to tell him how much I want to spend the rest of my life with him and the best part I cant wait to have our long midnight chats, laughing and falling asleep in each others arms at night. The thought of him being so far away makes me tear everytime. He has made such a big impact in my life and I cant imagine what life would be without him. I've never met someone who could understand and listen to everything I had to say with so much patience and love.

If I could I would tell him everyday that I love him..

Now its back to feeling lonely. A lonely Sunday night. If I was home we would be making lunch, watching a movie, having ice cream and laughing over every little thing.

Appreciate everything you have infront of you because when its not around you will miss it...alot..

Never say never

2011-03-01T18:04:00.001+08:00

I remember every detail so clearly. The image is still stuck in my head of you smiling down at me, leaning closely and then gently kissing me on my lips. You took my hand and gave it warmth under the cold midnight wind. You gently move your hands across my legs making sure I was not feeling cold. You gently push my hair away from my cheeks to kiss me on the nose. Why does it feel so wrong but so right at the same time?

Happy 14th Month Baby

2011-02-19T20:34:00.003+08:00

It has been five days since I left. I'm starting to miss home especially my other half. I miss him the most. I just realised how hard it is to not have him around. Everything is so different without him. Every morning I wake up hoping that he will magically appear and sweep me off my feet. I cant explain how much I've missed him. Every time I hear his voice I'll start tearing and laughing at the same time. Feels so good to hear him but the thought of him being so far away from me hurts me so bad. I cant help but smile to myself every single time I look at his picture. Oh that boy has a way with me. All he has to do is say one word and I am the happiest person.

Happy Anniversary Baby. One year two months and still counting. Its been amazing being with you and you've made me so happy. I am so in love with you and that has never change since the first day you kissed me. My love for you has grown deeper everyday and you never fail in making me feel so positive and confident of myself. You've taught me to be strong and courageous. Gosh I wonder what I am gonna do without you. You didnt just show me love but you also provided me with joy and laughter. Ive grown to be so attached to you and I noe no matter how far I am I will always have your love. We've committed to each other on the day we wore our rings and I will always stick to it and be faithful to you. I love you and I will always do. I meant it baby when I said I wanna marry you one day. I meant every word..

Hopefully that dream will come true :)

Leaving?

2011-02-04T20:27:00.003+08:00

Less than 10 days and off I go. A new adventure awaits me but mixed feelings fills the air. Its reality kicking in and whether I like it or not I have to deal with it. The thought of leaving him behind brings tears in me and I cant seem to brush that feeling aside.

Just when I have found somebody so loving so handsome who loves me for who I am, I have to go. We have been together for more than a year and oh it so amazing. Every single second with him was fireworks! Nevertheless I am so in love with him. He is the epitome of my dreams and no one has ever made me feel the way he has made me feel. Everyday i miss him more and the feeling I had for him when we first started dating has gone deeper. He is one person I would love to spend the rest of my life with.

I guess what i fear the most is having someone else take my place when I am not around. The feeling of being cheated and betrayed clouds my mind. Ive had recurring dreams that he was with someone else who wasnt just any other person. She was someone I knew, someone i cared about. The image of them together haunts me. Its just a dream at the end of the day.

Its all about trust and faith and I know we will make it through. 2years will fly by and hey the bright side is atleast I will be seeing him every few months :)

Oh I adore him...

six months later and im still crazy in love with you..

2010-06-21T23:31:00.003+08:00

I love the way you tell me that I’m beautiful, and the way you make me laugh like no one else.
I love the way you move the hair away from my eyes, and then kiss me on my face.
I love the way when you take my hand and put your hands around my waist
I love the way you'd sing to me at random moments even though you sound horrible.
I love the smell of your cologne lingering after you've hugged me
I love the way you speak your mind and tell me about your opinions.
I love that you're not afraid to cry and show your feelings.
I love the fact that you would message me in the middle of the day just to say " i love you "
and tell how much you missed me.
I love the way you tell your friends about me and smile when you do.
I love the way you whisper into my ear, the way your voice sounds so close to me.
it feels like I’m dreaming.
I love the way you do all of these and the fact that you're not ashamed to do it
and I'm glad to be yours...
Happy Anniversary Baby!
We've made it thru half a year and guess what im still madly in love with you.

dear..

2010-05-10T23:00:00.003+08:00

It was rainy afternoon as i lay on his chest watching "Dear John" while he was sleeping. I cried to myself at one point when "John" had to leave for a year on a military trip and left his love behind. The reality of me leaving soon hit me. I held him tight and started crying wondering what am i ever going to do without him.
She wrote him letters on how hard it was without him when he was away and how much she missed him.
I never knew that it was going to be so hard just being apart from him. He doesnt know that i have been crying to myself to sleep lately hoping that he will find a way there with me and hoping that my parents wouldnt stop me from coming home to him. Every night i pray that they would one day accept him and be happy for me that i found him because he makes me happy. He makes it seems like everything is perfect when it is clearly not. He takes care of me and the best part is he loves me with all his heart.
I just want to feel him near me when im away. I want to feel him breath. I want to touch his hand.
But I know no matter how far I am I know I will always have your love.
As long I have your love, I will always have you close...
I love you and will always do...

we will get thru this..

2010-04-10T14:28:00.003+08:00

I guess every fairytale doesnt last long.
Someday its bound to collapse.
Someday everything will just end if you dont do anything about it.
Lately things hasn't been going smooth.It has been a rocky week of tears and anger.
I didnt mean to hurt you, i dont want to hurt you but i cant do this anymore.
I hate it when we argue, i hate when we start yelling at each other.
Its so frustrating baby it is.
I noe there is more to come as this is our first horrid week together but we were not supposed to go down this road we promised each other.
Why are we becoming like this???
Its frustrating that we argue over the fact that we tease each other to the extent that we both get annoyed at it.
I noe everyone is against us together and we get pissed at one another because we cant spend as much time as we want together but we promised to stick together no matter what happens and we will get thru this.
I dont want to argue anymore, i dont want us to hurt each other, i dont want to cry and i dont want to go thru upsetting car rides with you.
Our car rides together are always fun and we were always laughing and doing nonsensical things just like last night.
I guess its not a perfect relationship if we dont argue over things, i guess its just baby steps to getting to noe more about your other half on their PMS-ing days lol.
I love you baby
thats one thing I am definite about.
I love you with all my heart and will always do.
It still feels like the first time we met, the first time we touched and the first time we kissed.
We have each other lets just leave out what the others have to say about it.
You are a dream come true and thank god not an almost lover..

Tell her..

2010-03-06T17:41:00.005+08:00

Tell her how you admire her. Always tell her you love her at all times.
When shes upset hold her tight. Pick her over all the other girls you hang out with.
Play with her hair and pick her up and tickle her. Just talk to her and tell her jokes.
Let her fall asleep in your arms. Sing to her no matter how awful you sound.
Get her mad at you and then kiss her.
Give her piggy back rides and tell her she looks beautiful.
When shes sad, stay on the phone with her, even if shes not saying anything.
Look into her eyes and smile. Kiss her on the forehead.
Slow dance with her even if there isnt any music.
Kiss her in the rain and when you fall in love with her
..Tell her..
Did i tell you that i love it when you did all the above..
I love you Russell A.K..

i miss you..

2010-02-27T14:25:00.002+08:00

I love watching him asleep next to me and when he does realise im watching, he'll open his eyes and smile.
He's so adorable when he does that.This morning i turn to his side of the bed to hug him to find him not there.
I was telling him that im so used having him there asleep with me and he thinks its sweet.
Sometimes i wish i could kidnap you everyday where i can have you with me day and night.
I love it when he pulls me close at night and hugs me to sleep while he whispers i love you.
I love it when hes near.
I cant live without him and i cant do any of my daily routine without thinking about him.
I cant lie, he's the best thing thats ever happen to me.
You are always there when i needed you the most. You make me feel like im worth so much to you and whats important you make me so happy.
You've changed my life and made everything perfect.
You complete me and you mean so much to me.
I'd do everything for you.
I'm glad you are a part of me and i love you.

you make me smile..

2010-02-20T14:34:00.005+08:00

I just realised that i cant go a day without him. He fills my day with laughter and joy. He makes me smile when everything is wrong.
I miss everything about him.
The time spent with him are precious to me and forever never seem enough.
We had a great week together and i hope theres more to come. I love waking up in the morning to find you beside me smiling down at me whispering that you love me.
i cant wait to see you again tmr :)
My heart always skips a beat everytime i see you near and i love the first hug and kiss you plant on my lips every time you see me. Eventho he may think he isnt perfect, he is in my eyes.
The littlest things he does makes me smile..I still go mad over him..

Im glad we made it together..Happy Anniversary baby.
....i love you...

You gave me Love..

2010-01-23T12:03:00.003+08:00

There he goes walking into my life unexpectedly..sweeping me off my feet and my heart skips a beat every time he calls out for me. i watch in awe, i seem to be lost in a world that you seem to have taken me into. I feel like i have been walking down a path lost and daze until you came by, took my hand and continued the journey with me..i hope we could walk it for as long as it takes us..
I never thought i would have you but i am happy i do.
When i went to bed last night my last thought was you..when i woke up this morning my thought was you. Your arms are my castle you heart is my sky they wipe away tears that i cry..You are now my everything and i hold this words to be true.
You were just another friend but then i got to know you and i let my heart unbend. I brushed away my hurtful past and let another love into my life. I have fallen for you and you mean so much to me. I dont know what the future brings but i am taking one step at a time because time spent with you are precious to me. I love you and whats more important is that i know you love me too..

A rose or a rock?

2009-11-22T16:26:00.004+08:00

I ask myself whether I want to be as open as a rose or to be hard and cold like a rock.

For an open rose is thrown into a weathering storm torn and shredded it shall be.

While a rock can be hit by lightning, rolled by thunder, blown by wind, and poured upon yet it dries and seems to be unharmed.

Its like being stuck in a crossroad. Not knowing which path you should take. Not knowing what you should do.

Not knowing what to say??

The path has been laid and all you have to do is choose.

But sometimes choosing is the hardest part...

Just me??

2009-11-05T19:03:00.006+08:00

Do you ever stop and think how come you didnt notice something about a certain person??

a little moment just changes everything..

and that person seem to have a certain thing that even you cant explain what and it just makes you draw nearer and

makes you wonder?

I never knew how that felt but it can be said i do now and

im confused??

I figured the only way to get this out of me is to just hang out with that person a little more and see how things go with how i feel.

If i still continue to feel this way its clear that i must have fallen for him and i wont deny it

but if i feel numb then my head is probably messing with me.

I dont have a thing for him. That makes things a little weird..

The weird part was i couldnt stop thinking about him when i was with someone else. All i wished for that night when i had my eyes closed was to see him when i opened it.

Guess that explains alot...

Sometimes I wonder how I feel about you. Im scared of these feelings because it’s still new .I occasionally catch myself thinking of the best way to share hoping you’ll return my confession

And then I stop myself and bring my thoughts back to reality where Im back to square one, does this just happen to me?

Ive made up my mind to just let it be and take the conclusion that its my head messing wih me after all the stressful nights of studies.

Im not taking another risk..

Its my secret to keep...

2009-10-29T22:54:00.004+08:00

Sometimes there are just some things that cant be said. No matter how much you want to tell that person but you know you just cant. Sometimes its just best its kept a secret. Just between you and yourself or its best if you talk to a complete stranger about it.

Many things are overcrowding my head lately. Little thoughts of him pops up every now and then which makes me smile to myself. The thing is i dont have a thing for him. I just tend to get a little nervous everytime im around him lately. I speak like normal, i tease him like how i tease others, i poke him like how i poke others but theres just a part of me that becomes all shy and my legs go wobbly..

i hope he didnt realised my hands was shaking so badly while holding his paper. I need to get rid of this thought of him because im overthinking about the awkwardness i feel after that night. Its just weird because he's the last guy i would ever think i'll ever have a confused feeling towards.

It feels like my day has been made everytime i hear him for some reason. I just tend to smile alot to myself lately and its freakishly scary..

I dont need something like this messing with my head at this point of time because im not ready for another stab right through my chest.

Im always stabbed hard everytime i let myself fall and no matter how hard you try you just cant seem to stop yourself from falling.

It happened a couple of times and i wont be suprised if it happens again.

Im ready for whatever pain that is coming my way...

guess im immuned to it and it feels numb after a while

i wonder..

2009-10-23T19:35:00.005+08:00

Have you ever stop and wonder whether another shard of glass would fall from the sky and cut through your skin.

You feel the pain all over again and it'll just leave you broken on the floor as it always has before.

You will slowly drift away and it seems like no one cares.

Thats when it feels like you are ready to give it all up and you are just tired of fighting because it is breaking your heart.

But then again even if you're mind is made up somehow it is just stuck on that shard. No matter how much it hurts, you still want it there.

You never want that memory to fade.

You know it is wrong but somehow it feels right..

and you wonder how can something feels so good but hurt so bad??

i hate you

2009-04-07T23:43:00.002+08:00

i hate the way you smile

i hate the way you laugh

i hate the way to talk

i especially hate the way you walk

i hate all the things you said to me

i dont even noe whether you fucking meant it or not

i hate the fact that you pretend its all cool

well you noe what you're fucking immature!

i hate the fact that you exist

i hate the fact that you walked into my life

i hate the fact that you have no fucking balls to talk to me

i hate the fact that people have to tell you to do so

i hate you for being who you are, a big flirt

what i hate most about you is that i dont hate you at all!

i feel stupid i feel like a fool

im so fucking embarrassed..

thank you so fucking much

i hope she made the right decision

i pity him.i blame you if anything happens

thanks to this im stereotyping people.

Thinking of You

2009-02-21T19:57:00.004+08:00

I was thinking of you when i was with him. He held me close and it felt good because i have not felt that way for a very long time. He pulled me towards him and held me as if he wasnt going to let me go. He told me i made his night but deep in me i kept praying it was you who was holding me tight and never wanting to let me go

What are you thinking?

What am i suppose to do?

What am i suppose to think?

I cant just be this way and not know where is this heading.

Why are you giving me signs showing me how much you wanted me?

Why are you being so nice?

I wish i had a clue? A sign?

Or Are you just another swagger passing through? Another one which would just want me for a while and then leave?

2008-06-30T20:04:00.001+08:00

“It's often just enough to be with someone. I don't need to touch them.

Not even talk. A feeling passes between you both. You're not alone.”

-Marilyn Monroe-

happy valentines day folks

2008-02-14T18:58:00.003+08:00

Today is the day where couples get out of the house and go for expensive dinners and buy expensive gifts and get all mushy mushy yadee yadeeda....today also happens to be the day i treat as a normal day .Today is the day i get to spend extra cash on myself woohoo and dont have to worry about what am i getting my boyfriend , is it good enough , where we going tonite yadee yada the usual thing.

Today was the day i got gifts that i didnt expect to get from people i dont even want to look at. Well no offence thank you for the rose and chocolates but i really do wish it was from someone else *wink wink*. Yeah i got a rose and chocolates but the bloody guy who gave me the rose didnt have the balls to come and give it to me himself ! he had to make his friend chase after me around to whole school to give me that pathetic dead thing , well not exactly dead but yeah it was going to die. Loser! But thank you tho atleast i got something to show off woohoo i got 2 gifts for valentines ! hehe

While i was walking in college i saw a group of boys walking in together each holding flowers in their hands and i thought to myself wow how sweet can that be!

I kinda had fun today in a way .I had fun the most with Cynthia cause both of us were laughing like hell the whole day. It sad to say that its only us that is left between the 4 of us . She drew a picture of me and Y and its so funny .I find him so horny in the picture hehe.look look....

Hmmm...im happy today cause tmr theres a party again and im home .thts something to look forward to.

Owh welll i hope all the couples in the world are enjoying themselves tonight and all i can say is hold your other half as tight as you can and know how lucky you are!

i love this poem , it just means something....

I wish you were my Valentine

Though I may not be yours,

And I may, in my ignorance,

Be speaking to closed doors.
I have no inkling of your heart,

No hint what you might say;

But when I think of you the sun,Will just not go away.

There is in you a loveliness

That makes my darkness shine,

And so I'll wait, if wait I must,

To be your Valentine.

Valentine's for lovers and for friends.

All my love goes out to you this day!

Love is something different from desire:

Even, silent, peaceful as the sky.

Nor is love interested in means or ends.

There are no selfish needs that it must weigh.

Instead, love's plenitude itself inspires,

Needing neither cause nor reason why.

p.s serra is listening to yo te voy a amar and im loving it!

p.s.s this was the most embarrassing thing i have ever done for this year , yesterday i practically almost trip on the stairs leading straight to the cafeteria hopefully no one saw *shoo* but i think Y 's good friend saw ,that girl who gives me stares all the time . i still cant figure out what she staring at???

p.s.s.s sorry but i cant get my eyes off this picture. den i noe u're reading ..hot right this guy ahem hahaha

I saw a Butterfly

2008-01-12T21:58:00.000+08:00

Today I saw a butterfly, as it floated in the air. Its wings were spread in splendor,

Unaware that I was there.
It was such a thing of beauty,It was a sight to see. It was the perfect masterpiece,

Full of grace and majesty.
I found myself thinking, to what can this compare?

Nothing..

It had its own freedom flying to places it hasnt seen before.

Last night i left my window open and left the radio turned on so that when i awake from my dreams i can look out in the rain and see what i always wanted to see..

Dancing in the rain while hearing my favourite song through the rain ,laughing. Finally the vision vanished and so did i. I wasnt really there and i never were. I was never dancing and i have never danced under the pale moonlight. Never felt the rain pour and soak me .

Everyday i see me but not where i am but where i want to be .

I reached over and tenderly run my fingers along the sheets beside me where maybe someday someone..him will lay there whispering into my ears saying he'll never go and i could go to sleep dreaming while he watches with a smile happy to be there.

I close my eyes and i could imagine this. I could feel his face , his chest breathing.

I wonder how i made it through a day without knowing you?

How can someone be so lonely and miss someone so much, someone they have not seen, never held , never touch?

So now i lie here listening to the rain. I look out and for a brief moment i see myself dancing outside under the rain and then my gaze moved up to the ceiling searching for a smile perhaps a smile across his face. I close my eyes and then i hear it " goodnight love ". I opened my eyes immediately but there i was lying there alone.

And now here i am...

another sleepless night, another night with too much thinking and a helpless look across my face.

I must have done something wrong?

i do not like that

2008-01-04T18:32:00.000+08:00

serra gone wild 1.0

As by way of a general ruling.I have made this to be my doctrine.To dislike, distrust or fear.Any creature meeting these criteria.Anything that moves faster than I. Anything having more teeth than I do.Anything creature covered in goo.That isn’t engaged in sexual stunts. Anything with claws and talons.Anything that drools by the gallons. Anything that’s excessively hairy.Anything creature whose eyes are starey.Anything that bites or stings. Anything with an aggressive demeanour.Anything too small to see. If you think of anything I've missed.Then I will add them to the list.

Im puzzled mostly by things that dont fit .such as if all is not lost then where the hell is it! i do not like assignments its killling me .bloody textbook which suppose to have all answers to my questions isnt quite doing its job. Im hooked on mythbusters probably because i have a fetish of marrying tory belleci. well no. he's like old enough to be my dad or brother .he's like 30 something .but i cant deny the fact that he's hot.its just so addictive .it makes me wanna drop out law and just do what they do.

My ass isnt listening to me anymore its been just sitting all day long . Cut long story short im so bloody lazy already. Thanks to the great holidays i have. 2 months sheesh thats long. Now im too lazy to go to college .classes starts on monday damn!

I wish i could go to college and just tell the lecturer my dog ate my homework but then again i dont have one owh wait i could say my best friend's dog ate my homework .that should do the trick. Serra has gone nuts. However i do my homework its still a pain but if i dont do it i feel like a retard!

Its friday and i cant seem to remember what useful thing have i done this whole week well except going to church on new years eve while my parents went out partying.

i feel like a saint *coughbullshitcough*
serra gone wild 2.0

christmas hope

2007-12-24T18:55:00.000+08:00

In Bethlehem, God gave to us

The source of Christmas joy;

A star shown on a miracle:

The virgin birth of a boy.
He was born both God and man,

A Savior for us all,

The way to get to our heavenly home,

If we just heed

His call.
So as we shop and spend and wrap

And enjoy the Christmas season,

Let's keep in mind the sacred truth:

Jesus is the reason.

merry christmas to all and a happy new year yes even you ugly ones !

black and white

2007-11-16T21:24:00.000+08:00

*a picture of me on the roof

This is the beginning this is the end.it is everything

from then to now...every dividend.

The memories coming down...rising up and breaking ground.

Come inside...look in my head...do you see life?

Or do you see death?

The past and the future come together like water and oil.

It's so clean yet covered in soil.

I see the light, yet I'm in the dark.

I'm so together…and so broken apart.

It feels so good…but it's just too bad. I feel so happy…but I'm just too sad.

Will you open up your mind and let me come inside?...

Or will you turn your back to me, and run away and hide?

Everything to me is seen in black and white…

I'm color blind to my own soul,though I search with all my might.

But I won't give up until I get through…

And I won't stop...

plus i just realised im so fuckin bored..

mayday mayday anybody come save me its serra here do you copy??

haha

i had a dream

2007-11-15T20:08:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I sit and stare.Nobody seems to get it.They just have no clue

in a dream i saw him

i heard him i kissed him too

a tender kiss....

in a dream

i heard my name

i saw his face i held his hand

a feather touch...

in a dream

i felt loved i felt secure

he held me close

like he wasnt goin to let me go

a perfect dream...

it was just a dream

everything seems so perfect in there

hehe

he looked at me and wanted to smile

but i wasnt looking that way and so he left..

foolish me

den den's bday

2007-05-29T18:51:00.001+08:00

last nite can be said as the last nite i will see my friends ..schools out i cant say "hey see ya tmr at school" the sad thing is i have to say "see ya some other time maybe soon" gonna miss all the people who made me feel comfortable and safe.

gonna miss all the times but anyway denden's party was hawt..

i had a hell of a nite..it was a nice party by the pool and we cam whore the whole nite..

hope den likes the pressie i bought her hopefully??

hmm guess here comes college ..starting school next week im so lazy..but it okay in 2 yrs time university of tasmania UTAS here i come..

i can already imagine myself in the campus living there ..

a lot of things happened this few days cant describe all..

had good times fun times and bad times this few days..cried laugh and screamed ..

guess tmr is back to basic BOREDOM!!!

i still gotta catch pirated before i go for holiday damn..gotta start looking for my pirate partner ciao

the after effects of graduation

2007-05-27T02:14:00.000+08:00

yay i love my buddies

love you guys so much!!!

our lil after party

after waiting for so long finally its over im out of school and college life here i come .i wonder whether its fun or boring or maybe sucky .cant wait to go to aussie and start a new life ..new people and probably a new person in my life .

olevels sucked and i hated it im happy its over thank god ..

ive been waiting for this day for so long and graduation pass in a blink of an eye...i look like a freak seriously but who cares whos gonna look

its kinda sad tht im not gonna hang out with my friends anymore ..im gonna miss the good times i had which i sometimes feel like rewinding it back and experiencing it all over again.no more uniform no more laughter down the hall no more stupid assemblies no more early mornings no more seeing someone whom i trust doing things behind my back..

graduation was fine ..went for rehearsal and it was boring in a way ..had fun doin make up with my friends having fun changing into our dresses and robes while teachers happily standing in the doorway while we change..they were all nicely complimenting on our dresses and looking at every each of us...now its over and its gone ..

dinner was fine and i couldnt eat cause i was too excited to even drink water!

i hate walking up on stage cause i think i looked like some duck climbing up steps and so yeh it was retarded ...and those candid pictures my dad took was worst ..

so high school is over and as i look back at it i just feel like goin back but without nava whom i thought was acting really fake today fake smile fake ass fake fake fake..dear students my foot!

but suprisingly the hotel was kinda nice in a way it was lookin better than the last year hotel it was classy in a way ..

anyway i had the same dream 3 times in a row and it was about "them"..and what happens in the dream seem to come true in real life atleast now i noe its happening !!

i noe it is happening at this very moment...

seriously im hurt right now but i just dont want to show it ..i just cant show it ..i cried when i came back wondering do i still?? what if i had??will i be able too??

hmmm i dont think ive forgotten and i will nvr will.....

owh shit serra its happening something you wished you forgotten and thought you did but you noe deep down inside it never changed?i dont think it did ever

i miss it fuck..

O LEVELS !!!

2007-04-26T19:23:00.000+08:00

DOOM DAY COMIN FCUK !!!!!!
the word olevels is scaring me ..im freaking out but still so lazy ! wht the fcuk is wrong with me ..shit..currently im being annoyed by so many things and cant concentrate damn..
im practically pissed with everything..owh god serra study !!
god save me ...fin..

finally

2007-04-10T23:26:00.001+08:00

finally i got my dress its a great sucess eventhough i hate my heels and probably hate my dress.i wanted an off shoulder beige dress and if i see someone wearing it i swear im gonna scream! copy cat! i would like to thank rhea den ben jon and the workers for being so patient with me . i can be the best customer you ever had or the worst you ever seen so prepare when you see me walking into your shop ! ( if you ever own one )
well you can never get your perfect dress even if you tailor it , same goes for the perfect man.i bought a shirt which says " not a hero all i need is just a real man " i believe its true .you can never find the perfect one until you've gone thru sucky ones.wait why on earth am i writing bout this?see like i told you love is in the bloody whole boook of my life sheesh it is definately sometimes a real depress! owh well today i was chatting with my step cousin and he suddenly blurted out that my display pictures was sexy and he wanted the picture so i sent it.then suprisingly he said " damn why on earth are you related to me if only you are not my cousin i'll be after you chasing you " hmmm thats freaky in a way but anyway he is not blood related at all..afterall his my uncle's first wife's kid .
i am having a weird feeling about something which i cant figure out what.am i in love all over again ?the thought of it sent a tingle to my feet .i dont want that to happen but something in me says that i am and i cant get it off my mine.i keep dreaming thinking that the person i think im in love with is being taken by someone so close to me .in a blink of an eye his gone and when he i s there he takes my breathe away but it doesnt matter what matter is the moments that took my breathe away.i cant tell anybody and just wanna keep it to myself but sometimes i just have to tell somebody or something about this and so thats why i have you my dear blog !
hopefully once i graduate and leave i'll meet someone new who will give me the feeling of being loved again and then i'll probably forget the misery in the past .but humans make mistakes and if there hadnt been any changes there wouldnt be butterflies...

p.s eddie is back !! we talked for quite some time yay i dunno why i cant explain im happy!

someone younger ??

2007-04-06T19:25:00.000+08:00

i cant explain this feelings its hard for me to express it .i dont want to make the same mistake i did and i dont want to regret anything i wish i could just skip this chapter but then again i realise love ? its in the whole book of my life ..i can find it in every chapter every word every corner of my life ..cant run away from it huh i suppose .
see the funny feeling i have in me doesnt seem to go away i cant date a guy younger than me eventhough i dont mind but in a way his not mature enough and kinda seem a little on the not the kind of guy im dreaming for ..his nice but i just dont wanna go round sayin owh yeh i have a boyfriend but he is in high school when im freakin in college.!!!
i find him innocent i dont know why but he is much more innocent than me thats definately!
i think he deserves someone better than me ..just look at me im playing hard to get and acting like a total bitch but he still hasnt given up..damn he doesnt wanna let go does he..anyway im leaving in a few weeks time and its gonna break him anyway like how his previous gf or going to be gf left for aussie
i dont see us in the future . i only see us sitting round starbucks like a bunch of friends would do .i wonder what am i gonna do when the question pops again i cant say im busy i cant go out ..that would be lame cause ive used that a million times..what should i do??
ignore?? nah thats mean..make him jealous?? thats mean..or maybe just pretend nothing happens until i figure out how do i feel cause you may nvr know my feelings towards him might change but in a way i would definately prefer a guy who drives..taller than me..mature than me ...
i dont want to say yes to him out of pity and in the end if he finds out he'll be heart broken too but cant he see the difference between us ..im more of the crazy type while he is like mama's boy sit at home and mommy says swim he does it mommy says go school he does it..\i mean hello he doesnt have astro at home isnt that already torture and out of the social world..he is shy did i mention..and somebody good lord change his fashion sense im really particular about it cause i myself hate being seen in some oversize plain T and some weirdo pants..no offence but guys who dress well and smell good definately grabs a girls attention..sheeshh im being so mean..
i'll just see what happens ..

happy anniversary wins : 24 march

2007-03-23T18:13:00.000+08:00

haha ex boyfriend of mine

( den does this look familiar ? )

hey hunny bunny or what i used to call you..anyway its been a year now since we have been together and then broken up..well its the time again 24 march the day we got together ..our first date..i dont think you remember consider you having tons of gf's .well today i was talking about you with hye jong and i told her how much i missed you after talking about you..its weird that i miss you but dont have any feelings.Listening to far away by nickelback reminds me of you alot and i try to avoid the song but cant help it though cause the song is so nice hmm..i remember the time when you said i love you for the first time and said that you wanted to hug me but you cant cause you were sweating and stinky ...you promised to come to my place in an hour but you were an hour and a half late plus you lost your way ..i could not stop smiling looking at you walking towards me while crossing the road and the first thing you said was "hey nice shorts its short ..so this is what you wear at home" and you complaining bout walking all the way to my house..you lazy bum..i cannot forget the pool side when we were sitting together on the see saw and you lying on my bed while we talked and laugh..i wanted to change and you asked me to change infront of you but i just lifted my shirt and ran into the bathroom..you know when you went back that night while i was sleeping i could smell you on my bed and i was begging for you in my sleep wanting you there..then you IM me the next day to tell me how much you missed me ..how much you missed me while eating an apple..and i was planning to sneak you up the window ..

i'll never forget the corridor where we hugged and you kissed me on the cheek before you left..walking along there just breaks me ...im just happy that the sofa is gone in a way cause we had some things going on there ..where you were on top of me and you know..and you kept kissing my head for some reason..my hair smelled good is it..

hmmm the time during maths where you held on to my hand to make sure i was not cold and where you drew a butterfly next to my answers and your answers ..we both got it wrong and the teacher just shakes her head and said love is blind..well i agree it is definately blind..so blind that i could only see straight after a few months that also was still blur..

geography class where we were looking at each other and drawing closer but yong jin was standing looking at us..that was freaky in a way...

you kicking my leg all the time and telling me how my smiled made you smile..you looking down at me with a serious but yet sweet innocent eyes...you loved touchin my legs!!

and before we got together you couldnt stop flirting ! calling me sexy with nice legs and all..damn u..you are one big charming dude where all you have to do is just open your mouth and it makes the girls go gaga..

aww sweet memories i had with you ...i just have to cherish the memories and forget the past..

just want you to know you were the best thing that ever happened to me and you gave me a chance to actually fall in love so deeply that it was so hard for me to get out of it...though im still confused bout my feelings with E..it feels like he was the one that i let go and i actually love him..??

love ya big guy ! thanks for the memories it was sweet

i'll always keep the bracelet and earrings no matter what though.

listening to all my life makes me realise that the song tells how i felt about you.."i would never find another lover sweeter than you. i would never find another lover more precious than you.i praised the lord above that i met you"

p.s you are a pain in the ass but i just seem to be really patient with youheres a proper picture..

sports day

2007-03-18T19:14:00.000+08:00

since jon is missing in the group pix so he gets a hug from me n rhea!!

we werent just tired it rained and we had to run on wet tracks ..its like running on water.I ran for 100m which sucked cause the tracks were wet as the rain just stopped .but im pretty happy with my relay cause i got first for my first 100m but in the end we got second ..and stupid fat idiotic nava didnt give me my medal cause im not wearing her stupid fairview skort..bull you.crap la ..and she flashed her evil smile at me boohoo watch out im gonna get back at ya bitch!

in a way sports day was fun and im bonding well with C which suprised me .anywayz here comes the best part:

had to put this chris n i

we planned to run away from N and at first we thought it wont succeed but it did yay! rhea , den , ben , lee , chris , jon and i planned to go out and eat and then swim at my place .we went out to get a cab and boo N came by and we were like shit act normal..so lee,jon,den and i would take separate cabs and rhea, ben and chris on different cabs pretending we are all going home.

but N came in the cab with us and says she is goin to AP shoot we were busted..upon arrival at AP we called ben and switch to plan B ..instead we went to korean town and told her we were walking home..phew that was close..

we got away again and went for lunch at a korean restaurant which was bloody expensive....yeh then we walked home to my place and hehe

heres my evil deed ..

den and ben : holding hands i caught a pix hahaahha

hehe..den i noe u willl see this ( i did this secretly behind u guys)

hehe so cute ..reminds me of someone awww that boy we holding hands ...

anywayz we went swimming and had lots of fun and yeh i was playing round with chris and he even stayed till 8 ..we talked and talked and made fun of each other ..threw pillows and till today still talkin hmmm..i see something going on..

he said he love talkin to me and even ask me to go for a movie..cute boy la..yeh so C is chris..

really enjoyed yesterday without N so much fun..lets do it again guys hahah

besties for life

bitch united part 4: the fake bestie

2007-03-14T17:14:00.000+08:00

when you think someone is your best friend..she is the best person in the world you ever met think again..she might be stabbing you in the back real hard that you dont even feel the pain until someone tells you...then you'll know what a bitch she 's been..a total hard ass bitch..

so there it tells half of my story already..

WARNING: faul words might be use in every sentence

anyways back to the story..okie this fat ass bitch is talking shit bout me and i aint gonna be nice and innocent no more..she insults me but i just laugh like an idiot with her but now you insult you get it..she is bloody jealous its obivious..

heres the list of why she is jealous :

# i got better hair ( thats so true ) maggi mee freak

# i dated the freakin guy she loved for 8 years bah..im good..i knew him for 2 months and i dated him and you knew him all your life hahaha..he doesnt like you loser !

#im smarter no offence but comparing my result and hers im definately better..

# im a definately better singer than she is..she sings out of tune

#my art looks better ..i always beat you in it and get highest

# i dont think im perfect..you always think you are

#you always complain about the number of guys who sends you mail..blek they are all indians ..atleast i have malays chinese indians chindians matsaleh thai ppl goin after me ! boohoo beat that

#you think you are the prettiest among us all..bullshit..i think rhea and den is better looking and have a better personality than you do

#you tell me secrets and say dont tell anybody but hahah the funniest thing is everybody knows about it ..everything all the things you have done..dang girl youre a whore (sry to say but its true) wanna get into my ex's pants huh??im happy his smart enuff to say no..in a way you guys are meant to be ..gossip queen and gossip king

#i have more friends ahha thats lame..owh she is jealous cause den has better boobs than her and she keeps staring at mine and rhea;s ...perv

yeah so she bitched and she talk shit bout me..she said i was a freak and always study hello look at the dark side our freaking o levels is in a months time..WAKE UP STOP DREAMING YOU ARE NOT IN DISNEYLAND !

so this morning she told me that she studied from 8 to 1 am and i was like stop being a freak stop studyin ..she shut her mouth..woohoo im such a genius...dont think im dumb..i think too!!! i got the otak!

i accidentally spill something out and told one of her darkest secret to B haha he got pissed and went up to her cause she betrayed him..haha..in a way im scared cause she keep asking me questions and im like acting dumb boohoo

anyway she isnt a true friend owh god she is evil..!!

i cant believe the things she did...sigh...but i still have den and rhea love you guys so much!!

owh the best part today we went to GE mall and we ignored her like hell until she got bored hahaah

she seriously doesnt have friends in school that like her..i found out that almost the whole grade hates her practically everybody and now atleast i noe there is many ppl that can go against her..

if she doesnt have me den and rhea she'll be alone all alone..i noe she feels it now..you deserved it...!!

p.s she is a two sided freak..!!!! long nose you are not perfect dont think you are..you can nvr be..stop being proud of the guys you made out with ,...it makes you look like a slut ..well you already are..

damn im mean..sorry but i cant take it anymore

heats!

2007-03-08T18:41:00.000+08:00

today was heats ..am i suppose to like it?? its hot and just unbearable..but still had "lotz" of fun running like a maniac on the track..clearly im not such an expert in running ..you may look at me and like whoa i bet she can run ...she has long legs..hmm my dear friends doesnt mean i have long legs i can run !!i mactually lazy dont have the energy and just have a bloody big arse.. i probably embarassed myself infront of everybody well not exaclty ..i manage to prevent myself from getting last which is good but being fourth is just unlucky..

you noe how the chinese say 4 is die so yeah..

ive lost my energy and maybe i would get a gold medal if it was just 10 m..but bloody hell it has to be 100m and 200m

dang i might have lost some pounds..thats good ! wee

hey thats a good thing considering me being heavier day by day after chinese new year..

phew the food was like buffet everyday ..but me being a good girl i control myself..

anyways back to story..

i was trying to run away but hmm i always get caught and have to run for my house GO JUPITER! but i managed to get points for my house and manage to get through to 100m finals..

i'll just have to worry bout the running later..

owh well i just realised that i dont usually talk to this guy in the younger grade called C..i just say hey and flash my flashy smile and ok back to my life..his cute but you should see his brother

eventhough i havent seen him but the way my buddies describe him hmmm hot catch..

so we were playing around the track and laughing at each other's stupidity and throwing stones as if its a baseball..hmm and lets see learning ways to fly like a bird??

newayz it was fun..we held hands (well not exactly)..that lazy ass couldnt get up cause he is too tired..so i had to pull him up..and yeh you can consider it as holding hands for some reason for atleast 3 seconds..btw its sweaty so nothing amazing..his german btw..half...

yeh yeh rhea you can see a bond ..some connection going on.

when i came back i was talking to den and it got emotional and i almost cried i teared..and it was cause i just cant help it and i told her how i felt about some things in the past and i made her ALMOST CRY..

awww i feel like she is the only one i can talk to now about my feelings and unforgiving acts and revenges...

school school school for another 2 months and then im off finally thank god..i might be able to start a new life a new environment in aussie but i will never forget my besties!!!

newayz gotta get back into my geography book and back into sums land..mocks tmr blek wish me luck !!!

graduation cant hardly wait

2007-03-01T19:39:00.000+08:00

prashant naurattan

weee graduation coming cant wait!!! took our pictures and cant wait to see it which is like in 2 months time

its about time i get out of this school free from the fat women who traps us in the school as if we are 5 year olds..yes its n***a the b**ch..

boohoo now we get to scratch her car and cut her breaks (kidding) and may she bang and bounce off the car like a little balloon..how i wish i could just poke her with a needle and she'll go flying round the school..

warning : she is a big fat ugly scary looking lady who eats children !

benny

she behaves like an angel infront of parents but woot woot a devil to us

bummer anywayz here are the famous pixies weee!!den

suzy

saeika ,den

rhea , den

love ya only nilou is missing !!!

fin.

just another day

2007-02-15T18:30:00.000+08:00

congrats to all those couples out there fr once again falling for the consumerist driven bunch of nonsense that is valentines day..well its not exactly nonsense but maybe because my valentines day suck in a way..this is the day when couples look at each other with puppt dog eyes and whisper sweet nothings in each others ears , this is when i'll do someting more productive like..hmm.lets see ..i'll say it when i figure it out..

what is any sane single person meant to do when all soppy couples in the world are holding hands and looking at each other longingly and going out for over priced dinners at swanky restaurants??

celebrate unvalentines day instead woot woot..?? u'll probably end up hooking up with someone new after the partay!!!!

well it is infact a great time of the year for singles..think about it the freedom we get..we could save money and buy ourselves gifts instead ..shopping!! well yes infact valentines does make every single out there feel useless..but who gives a shit hahah..you singles could be having ice cream with your buddies and partaying all night long!!

so valentines dont suck afterall..

love is a cold hearted bitch

2007-02-12T18:45:00.000+08:00

if you look inside a girl you would see how much she really cries, you would find so many secrets and so many lies but what you see the most is how hard it is to stay strong when nothing is right and everything is wrong. it doesnt matter anymore i guess everything happens for a reason .tears eventually fade and one day everything would be exactly how its supposed to be . moving on is the process you have to promise yourself that you will have to let go. but can i ..i just found out that the person that i really love was him..but he is so far away and has someone special someone who could have been me .

i just spoke to him..well infact still am..i brought up some of the past and i found my old diary which was all about him ..he said he liked me alot but we couldnt be together..look at me ..i am here thinking and hoping that he will come back . but now it shows that he will never ..but part of me still do think he will..why am i crying everytime i talk about him ?? why do i still love him ??ive got to move on..but how??why did he have to leave..why??we could have been together...he noes everything about me and i tell him everything and today he accidentally blurted out that if i dont tell him he will kiss me ...( i was goin to tell him something) i was like awww you are so far away you cant get me !!

pandori slumber party!!!!

2007-01-27T16:56:00.001+08:00

pandori the best drink yet!!

slumber partay yehhh..

had lotz of fun fun fun..cashreyn came over for a sleepover and we hanged out with lee

we laugh and got high on pandori..owh yehh..its some korean drink and we couldnt stop laughin over stupid things..pandori rocks our sockzzz!!!

we even started making songs like

"i will follow pandori follow pandori where ever she may go"

"don cha wish you had pandori just like us"

we laugh at the stupidest things..i bet lee was like wondering wat the fcuk is wrong with these girls??

we made a hell of a noise at the playground it was funny..and then the swing started making weird noises which freaked us out like hell thinking there was a ghost or something lol

and the next day woke up early and had breakfast at the mamak with lee again..

fun times fun times..

we watch the guardian on a pirated disc and its really clear but sound system sucks..in the end we ditch the movie..

so now we decided to call the sleepover as pandori slumber party!!!

getting high

babe we should definately do it again..when you get back from aussie

pandori for breakfast lunch and dinner ...woot woot

and then we go korean jukebox!!!

forget him

2007-01-24T16:08:00.000+08:00

forget his name
forget his face
forget his kiss
his warm embrace
forget the love that you once knew
forget him when the played your song
remember when you cried all night long
forget how close you once were
forget how you memorized his walk
forget the way he use to talk
forget the things he used to say
remember he has gone away
forget his laugh forget his grin
forget the way he held you tight
forget the time that went so fast
forget the love that moved its past
forget he said that he will leave you never
cause thats all bullshit!!

p.s: denise this is for you..i know how it felt..love yah babe..your my best buddy

bitch united part 2 : bastard is going down

2007-01-24T15:35:00.000+08:00

boys are cheats and liars their such a big disgrace they will tell you anything to get to second base ball base ball they think they are gonna score but if you let them go all the way then you are a whore !!!

bullshit everything about him was fake..how could i ever think he was the only guy who was actually nice..i loook back at myself and ask why was i so stupid to even date a guy like him..
i dont even think he meant it when he called my best friend and said that he heard far away by nickelback and thought about me and he asked how was i .i bet that was bullshit !!! i dont even think he ever meant to say i love you..
he is not worth every tear i cried..he is not worth every credit i wasted talking to him..he is not worth all my saliva saying i love you ..
what is your problem ??? did i ever bitch about you?? did i ever say something to hurt you?? i havent..why do you have to do this to me ??
i ignored all the bullshit you told everybody about ..owh shut up and stop thinking you are the hottest guy..damn i cant believe why i ever thought you were hot..you are just another ass i know..
you are just some chinese refugee who is lost and need a freaking life..!!
i hate looking at you flirting with girls..it disgusted me..not that im jealous ..i will never be ..its not like i cant find another guy like you..i can replace you in a minute if i wanted to ( now im perasaning )
now i dont go round bitchin bout people but i cant stand it anymore i cant hold back my feelings any longer ..i feel like telling you off..stop being an ass !!! i cannot believe my eyes that i could actually say i miss you after the break up..why do i ever have to fall in love with you??
you are a really good boyfriend ( i mean was )..but you just suck in a way .what commitment you yaking about..its just high school love its not like you are marryin me and having babies with me ..well save it go make babies with other girls ..now tell me who is the gigolo???
you are full of lies...how could you ever tell someone that you treat girls like gifts..you open it and use it when you get bored you throw it away...
how would you bloody feel if you got hurt..the girl dumped you but you love her so much ..how would you feel!! when you finally know how it feels then you know how i felt and how your other collections felt ..
but im not gonna regret on something that once made me smile..yeh i have to admit that you made me smile like no other boy could..you made me happy ..happier than i ever felt..you gave me a chance to actually fall in love..fall reallly reallly in love ..but thats all bullshit !!
it obvious your tenderness melted my heart..
dont you know it feels so good to actually bitch about you ..its like relieve..well dont blame me youve bitched bout me and nows my turn you moron..!!
after the break up i cried and my cousin told me you are not worth it but i backed you up..i said no he is like that but his special in his way..i back you up but now i dont see why i have to do it..
i dont see the reason why i have to waste my time thinkin about the memories which always comes back to haunt me !!..
youre nice to me infront of my bloody face but you are just a two sided freak who seriously i wish i could strangle at this point...im not being mean but you know what ...you are small ..i look down at you now..its not like before when i adored you like hell ...you are small ..junior you is small...you are just small tiny freak in this world ..now im crapping..
clearly i hva nothing more to say..no comment ...
i'll be nice to you but if you go over board..i'll probably blow..
" love you " *cough bullshit cough*

everything i wanted i found in you..i was a fool

bitch united part 1

2007-01-22T19:13:00.000+08:00

she thinks she all that walking down the club flirting with guys with her pushed up bra..
eventhough i met her just once..she caused drama and bitches like she does it 24/7
fine if she wants to cause drama just dont cause drama in front of my fckin face my deaar..
you think your the only one who noes how to bitch huh well i noe too..
cant you read im bitchin bout u !!
stop flirtin you noe guys wont think that low to get under your pants..probably the reason why the even flirt back is cause your easy ..they can just screw you and leave the next day..
omg you actually think your hot..its obvious the way you treated us ..
F.Y.I : your darling boyfriend was the one who bloody got us into the club ..where we just used the toilet and left
what is your fckin problem?? want us to say thank you to you..hello your bf ask you to lick the cow's ass you would do it you gold digger..
im just glad that my best friend and her friends are gonna ditch you ..get you out of their life..thank god??
you noe what..i dont want to see your fckin face when i step into the club..
your not needed..you cant dance you nvr talked to us and ur bloody causing a drama..
heres my advice darlz GET A LIFE!!
just stop talking shit bout us cause ur makin us famous!!!
you can say anything as you please but i am what i am and thats something you cant be

boogie wanna dance

2007-01-15T15:18:00.001+08:00

"i know a place i can get away to. its called a *dance floor* seduced by the beats everytime i feel it i just cant let go i just move my body out of control . i can feel the rythm driftin through my soul!"
Its the time to party!! well the sneaky style.This is were the fun begins my parents went away.overseas so i got the whole house on my own woot woot..well not until my grandparents showed up and spoilt my plans.Anyways my buddies and i planned about sneaking out but i thought it was too risky but we tried it anyway..so den came over my place ..
excuse # next day is carnival let me stay with serra so we can go together to school (its true)
so she came over after school. Then later that night we went swimming just to pretend like we are gonna be here . then at 9 we went back and shower. we then showed our face (went downstairs and walk around till about 11.
then said night to the oldies and ciao.while getting ready we kinda freak out ..you know all the what if question keeps popping . well screw it when granny is fast asleep we went down the balcony and down the roof . we were making hell of a noise and my grandpa who was watching television did not hear a single shit . !! hey i could be a spy !
anyway we climbed over the fence and wala we are out . we waited for a cab who is a friend of my friend . yup and we went to heritage .
this is where the fun starts.
my best bud was waiting for us there screaming her head off ..cannot believe that we sneaked out it was a brilliant success!!
so we partied the whole night..i had too much until i was out !!i have no clue how many times guys grabbed my ass..hmm..
a kind of middle age white guy even flirted with me and wanna get under my pants i assume..holding my hand clearly his a pervert..thank god a hot gay guy saved me ..well he just said backoff..sadly his gay damn..he was so hot.
he was standing behind me and i could feel his body brushing behind me ..sick in a way but nice..
we drank and dance on the table like we are the shit .
anyways party party till it was about 3 something which was closing time so we had to go ..but it was too fun to leave..
we were drunk and couldnt walk straight..well that night a guy caught my eye..we were in a cab when he walked past and he was so cute !!..when i mean cute hhis realllly cute !!
we said hey and he gave us flying kisses awwww i dreamt of him that night..
back to the story :
so we took the cab home and realise we had to climb the roof this time up the fence and on the roof ..up the balcony and in the room..now there is like 3 of us..and the best part only one of us was sober.me and den was out..well poor nilu see couldnt take it hahah we dump our bags on her and made hell of a noise in the neighbourhood...the thing is thank god we made it back safe and phew no problem..we came back about 4 something almost 5 and slept..
next day we got up at 8 and got ready to get to school..i dont know how i made it my head was spinning ..everything was normal nobody knew about it and it was perfect..ahaaha..
we should do it again girlfriends...fin..

broken hearts

2007-01-15T15:17:00.000+08:00

when i received the sms which read
" hey guess who "
the first thing that came into my mind was somebody is stalking me but the efficiency of technology proved me wrong as it invented phones with number ID . So i could see who sent me the sms. It was just one of the guys from my school whom i just met 2 months back. His one of the good looking ones and outspoken . He never fails in flirting with a girl and making her laugh with his crappy jokes.
I could still remember the first day i walked into the school he was the first guy who spoke to me .
I thougt that was sweet . Apparently he had so many girlfriends which all lasted for probably only a few weeks.His more of a playboy if u ask me . But his charms and sweet innocent stares just dont fit the description of a playboy.
Anyways back to the story . I saw his name and wondered aloud why out of a sudden he is sending me smses for fun . I could remember the day before we went out and the day before that we went for lunch after sports and he didnt stop talking to me. He even flirted and kick my leg from under the table and that wasnt the first time he did it .He does that to me in school too. Once in the library i was lying on the sofa and he went on top of me . He was so close i could feel him breathing on me! He was sweet as then we went to watch a movie and he borrowed me his sweater as i was cold and clearly another guy who liked me watched him with anger as i think he knows that i was kinda attracted to him in a way.anyway
i replied him and we started talking for about an hour or so . The next day at school we just kept on talking and this went on for a week when he asked me out on a date . I fell for him . i was in love and obviously in big trouble .
But i couldnt fall for him too much ..that was the advice given .But who cares i was in love (thats what i thought). The way he looked down at me with those brown eyes was enough to make my day ,make me smile . But as everybody know all this shit dont last . we broke up about 3 weeks later . it was hell for me . i couldnt take it . i cried till i have no tears to cry no more .
later i went for holiday to ease my mind and also its a family trip . there i saw couples holding hands and all lovey dovey strolling down the beach. it broke my heart . i wished he could be there with me to share what i had in mind and how i felt at that point .
i missed the way he smiled , smelled , the way he walks towards me and looks into my eye and say " i like your smile , it makes me smile too" .i missed it when he told me he could get lost in my eyes everytime he lookes into it. i could still remember the sms he sent me when we first got together
" hey sorry i couldnt sms you earlier i dont have much credit left but just so that you know that i missed you and cant stop thinkin about you. hope youre safe and alright . bye love "
reading it over and over again is like stabbing myself again and again.
what more it even hurt when i found out he liked my best friend and they were about to get together right after we broke up. Imagine how i felt .nobody knew how i felt except my cousin sister who was there for me watching me cry myself to sleep while holding on to his bracelet .
i loved him so much but im happy now that i got over him and now we are friends.we did not speak to each other for more than a month .
its been 8 months i think since the break up and i still do think he likes my best friend and it hurts sometimes.i feel like i was used to get to her or maybe a rebound. i miss him sometimes but there are better guys out there.
all i have to do is wait for the guy who will make me smile like no other . ive learnt a lesson. make the guy fall head over heels over you before you fall head over heels over him . then it wont hurt so much .all this time i wasted my energy ..my heart which is my possesion.
sometimes i wonder ..when i have already gone home my best friend would still be in school and he'll be there..they talked alot and i figured that it all started from there because we broke up the week after .if he knew he still had feelings for her why did he hurt me ,,why did he want to be with me ? desperate?im just another stupid chic he dated .. damn i miss him sometimes..first love is just hard to forget..its true
fin..

mi

2007-01-15T15:15:00.000+08:00

bonjour im serra. Welcome to my world where every golden leaf transform into a butterfly . The world where i spend most of my time with thinkin about my happiness , joy and sadness . Im just an average sixteen going seventeen teenage brat who loves music as it is a universal language , loved and understood by every nation on earth . I love life hate life . Love the people in it and used to be in it . I've gone through many up and downs but clouds are gathering around me and i know i must be strong and work to rectify the errors i made in life. Sometimes i wish i could just turn back time but i know its impossible . I am who i am and people can think what they think . Im sucessful in what i do and hope to grow to do things i have not done before . Im not in a huge rush to be an adult . You need time to grow . Taking baby steps into growing up may be different than what anyone has tried but it feels right . People walked in and out of my life in a blink of an eye . I meet so many new people and understand more about the things that are surrounding me all this years as i grew older . Ive been backstab damn these people are just jealous . Heres my advice click your heels together and say i need a life! Have great parents but i feel like sometimes they dont understand me especially my mom. She doesnt know how i feel . She backstabs me and make empty promises. But i respect her . My dad i love him so much and wouldnt know what to do without him . Heres my wish , when i grow older and have a stable job i would want to buy a brand new BMW sports car for him to show how much i have appreciate the things he have done in my life . being my pillar of strength and my personal cheering squad . Have three annoyin monkey sisters whom i love . Without them its like quiet and empty . Well clearly its hard going through this age when people dont understand how you feel . Through these few months in my new school ive gained so many knowledge about love , friendship . Ive experienced so much hurt and joy .
But i guess i dont have to worry because i have my buddies whom i love and cherish..nilu rhea denise. They were always there for me through hard times . We share dirty little secrets , problems , talk about boys like any other teenage girl , share laughter , and emotional moments together .
fin